23 March 2008

Expectations

Did I really expect it to work after one true month of trying?

No.

Was I hoping for it?

Yes.

A good friend of mine got pregnant on an "oops" (you know, just one time with nothing to prevent... just ONCE). So yes, I kinda thought Why Not?? Ya know?

So yesterday, I admit. I cried a bit. Yes. I know, things have to be just right. And sometimes things can be just right and it still not work.

Why am I so concerned after 2 months of trying? (actually really just one. February - our timing just stunk). I am concerned because Mark is foregoing some medicine that he needs in order for us to do this. And every day we try to get pregnant is another day he isn't on that medication. And he needs it. Will he die without the medicine? No. Is he uncomfortable? Yes.

And that upsets me.

Yesterday he asked why I was so upset about not being pregnant. Yes I was upset because I wasn't pregnant. But I was also upset because of him.

I have to figure out how to not be so stressed about this next month. I have to. I can't sit and obsess about it. I just can't.

I just don't know how to not. Too much is riding on this.

So, what do we do? We have said if it doesn't work next month - then we will figure out what to do. Mark said he will go and get checked and maybe I should too. will they laugh us out of their offices? Two months trying? That's nothing. Absolutely NOTHING.

But, its everything for us. For him.

Advice? Anyone?

p.s. - his medicine, that I cannot recall the name of, doesn't do any damage to his swimmers. It just decreases the count of them. He started weaning off of them in December. Takes about 45-60 days for his system to get back to normal. Thus - February/March was our start trying time.

12 comments:

min said...

A nice relaxing week-end at a bed and breakfast. Taking a vacation often helps.

~JJ! said...

Oh girlie...Remember, it will happen when your body is ready.

I know how hard it is to go every month and be disappointed.

Keep calm. Keep strong. Keep busy.

Love you.

For the Love... said...

I agree with Min...is there anyway you could take a well timed mini vacation?

Fingers still crossed!

Badness Jones said...

Sorry hon. It's funny how many times we can cry with relief when our period comes, and then...and then, we get older and our lives change and it makes us cry for real. I've got no advice, just cyber-hugs. It'll happen - try to enjoy trying.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Sweetie, I cried every time. I think it's just in our genes.

Vacation is a good idea though. Also, having sex in the back of a car helps.

shuttle mom/belinda said...

Ditto Min and Jenny. Just make sure your neighborhood kids aren't watching your cars.

TxGambit said...

Hugs. I wrote you back just a little bit okay, before reading this.

Hugs, hugs, hugs. It will happen. It is just that waiting the kills you. I obsessed over it and once I gave up (and with a little help), I got pg.

I agree with Min. Have some relaxing time. It really does help.

Avonlea said...

It's so hard not to obsess, I know.

Maybe (if you haven't already) you and your husband should talk to his and your doctors about what is the best thing to do -- if it's too hard on him to not take the medcine, to just try anyway, even on the medicine?

Good luck.

Tami W. said...

Bff,

Sending good thoughts...it will all work out.

Tami

Gina said...

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry.

It is definitely a hard thing to have to deal with, I've been unsuccessful myself since my miscarriage in July.

I'm crossing my fingers, wishing you good luck and maybe that little mini vacay that everyone is wisely seconding and thirding...

Phoenix said...

Oh honey, I'm sorry I haven't been around. I would be crying too. For sure. I guess give it one more month and then go to the docs. But a weekend trip away may do the trick, like Min said.

Don't worry about docs laughing at you or about being upset...it's life you know? ANd if he's been on the med for awhile, it may take a bit more time for it to be out of his system.

But I'm crossing my toes and fingers for you. Even though it makes it hard to flip off my boss behind his back I'm doing it for you and Mark.

Heather said...

I had fertility issues, and we thought it was going to take months or years for us to conceive. I cut out a large portion of stress from my life, and voila, I was pregnant!! The message.....stress is bad for conception. Try to relax, sweetie. Big hugs to you.