I work with a bully.
An honest to goodness, I bet he may steal my lunch money tomorrow, BULLY.
And Friday, I was at the end of his bulliness. And I wasn't even there. Apparantly I was the topic of conversation. Why? Becuase my boss sent out an email complimenting me about a huge project I was working on and how well it went.
and in his typical bully insecurity, he went all bully on me - except I wasn't there on Friday. I got a phone call that he was talking smack about me. I thanked the friend who called me to tell me, but it hurt to hear.
THis bully completely discounted all my hard work. MONTHS of hard work. Months of 6, 7, 8, 9pm conference calls. Months of working on weekends. I have never asked for any credit. Never asked for anything. I just ask that you do your job and I do mine.
But he told someone that I have been "strolling around acting like Queen of the World" and pretending that this project was "all me".
The set-up was all me. The implementaiton was all me. But the execution of it - was a team effort. I never denied that. That's what I do. I set stuff up for other people to succeed off of.
And this bully (and I am not the only one he bullies) went and discounted it.
My boss says I should say something to him. Problem is? I don't like bullies. I don't know how to confornt them without being all emotional.
So, I'm just going to walk away from this and let him win. This one time.
He's young - actually my age - but hasn't been in the professional workforce very long. Prior to here, he worked somewehre for 3 or 4 months and before that, was a high school football coach. Not to discount coaches, but that's very different than the corporate world. VERY.
So if he does it again, I will confront him about that issue. THis one is dead to me. It has to be.
I hate to walk away from this, but I just can't confront him. Partly because I hate bullies. Partly because in a wierd way, I am scared of bullies...but mostly, I don't want him to know he got to me.
Who would have thunk that in my 30's, I'd be dealing with this?
Please think good thoughts that he doesn't push me down on the playground, steal my milk money and take the twinkie my mom packs me for lunch. 
04 February 2008
Bullies
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16 comments:
Margaret -- I think if you told us all where this bully lives, we could tell him how his not nice behavior is unacceptable. And by "tell him," I mean we could break his kneecaps and make him go crying to mommie. Nobody messes with our Margaret!
I think you need to stand up for yourself now - don't let him "win this one" - you will continue to be his whipping post and the next time it will be harded to strike back. You're losing leverage each day you let is slide. I'm not saying be MEAN back to him, but perhaps a nicely worded e-mail thanking your boss for the kuddos and then acknowledging others in the office that helped you. Or maybe bring in a cake for the entire office with a big "Thank You All" message on top. Smile sweetly at the a-hole and challenge him to say something to your face. He's weak and passive aggressive and probably doesn't have the gnads to dis you to your face, so give him the opportunity and watch him fade. But under no cirumstances should you "let him win this one" - it'll just be harded next time. Sound like I have experience? I do - MANY MANY years of it - THAT'S why I recently decided to start working for myself after 17 years in the workplace - scary move but I had to do it to avoid people like your office bully. They are simply insecure and if you let them get your goat - it will backfire on you in the longrun. Sorry this is so long - but I really, REALLY don't think you should let this slide!!
I will kick this guys ass for you. Seriously.
Also? Why is your boss telling you to deal with this? He should be the one bringing the guy in to talk about his attitude. It'd mean more coming from someone above him.
If you feel like letting this one go...then do. But at least start giving him "the look."
What a donk. Let me know if you need my arse kicking services...
He's jealous cause the boss complimented YOU. Some men are so insecure!
I've worked for my hubby the past 25+ years and I still "let him think" everything was his idea. Everyone has heard the saying that "behind every good man, there is a good woman". But we all know that the WOMAN is really in FRONT.
I think I may come and beat his ass for you. Where can i find him?
Truly, I ignore my own bully too...but I've always been able to take on other peoples bullies. I wonder what that says about me?
But yea you for getting recognized for your work.
Aw, sweet Margaret, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. So ridiculous. I am glad that your boss recognizes your efforts though.
I agree with Jenny - your boss should have a "heart to heart" with that guy.
And unfortunately- this type of cretin is EVERYWHERE. And he ends up being the guy who gets promoted because he takes the credit away from other people.
I've got a baseball bat - do you want it Fedexed? haha
Oh sweetie. It shouldn't be your problem..that's what bosses are for...unless of course, you are the boss. Your boss should seriously discuss this with him.
Don't let him get away with it.
Kick his pussy ass.
Bullies suck!
I would say the only thing that matters is that YOU and your BOSS know the truth! Let the Bully go. He's only making himself look like an ass when he's bad mouthing you!
Grrrr... My husband HATES bullies. Let us know if you need us to go after this guy!
I kinda agree with what Anonymous said BUT then I'm a HUGE chicken and it's not my bully.
Congrats btw on your big project and the kudos you've obviously earned. I'm sorry you have to deal with a moron. Just watch your back cuz they really can do damage.
Oh, grrrrrrr, I can't stand people like that. Don't let him get you down or continue to treat you this way. You deserve to stand up for yourself. Lay the smack down.
Bullies suck!!!
Hopefully someone steals HIS lunch money.
Anonymous hit the nail on the head, and Jenny made a great point, too. It is not just important that you and your boss know the truth: allowing him to "win" this one could undermine you later. I have a non-confrontational friend who is now beginning to regret not standing up for himself in the past. While his peers and his subordinates like him, they don't respect him.
It may be uncomfortable for you, but anon's method is painless and effective. Give it a shot, for your own sake.
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