29 October 2007

Have you met my friend KARMA?

Remember the conditioner? You know....THE CONDITONER??? Yeah, Karma is a real BITCH sometimes.

Allow me to tell a story. It's not a story, it's the truth but saying "Allow me to tell the truth" sounds funny. This is long, but worth it. I promise.

Picture this. It's a beautiful Saturday morning. You are finally relaxing from a hard 2 weeks at work, and you think "I may go get my nails done".

10:30 - I call and make an appt for 12:30 for my nails and my toes. Mark says "I am going to head to work until about 4 or 4:30 or so"

12:15 - I leave. Mark still has not left his chair and swears he is about to get in the shower.

(the below are ACTUAL texts - I am checking them as I type)
12:45 - Text Message from husband: "Can't find keys. Have you seen them?"
I respond "No."

12:50 - Text: "Still can't find them". Me to him" Have you checked laundry basket, yesterday's clothes, car, counter and basket?"

12:51 - him to me "YES. They are GONE". Me to him "They are not gone. They are someshwere"

By this time, the nail ladies are laughing at me.

12:59 - him to me:"Really they are gone. I am screwed. No point in going to work now". me to him: "Go into work when you find them. Just stay later"

1:15 - him to me "I am vacuuming. Too pissed to look anymore". Me to him: Ummmm ok.

1:25: him to me "SHIT SHIT SHIT". I have no time to respond because:

Phone rings "Where's the duct tape?" (FYI, NOT how to start up a conversation)

Why?

Because I @&%^%& vacuumed the cord of our vacuum cleaner up and it's shredded.

Me: DON"T use duct tape. Use electrical tape.

Him: I need to go.

By this time, the nail ladies are about to fall off their stools from laughing.

Text: him to me: "I am such a dumbass". Me to him: "there's electrical tape in the toolbox"

him to me: "I am going to Walgreens".

At this point, I can't take this. I ask the ladies to hurry and I leave.

I go home and help him with the search of the keys. I insist upon checking everything again. Which pisses him off. BAD. Apparantly by me wanting to re-check everything shows him that he can't do ANYTHING right. And I think he is a dumbass.

I ask him have you checked: car, laundry room, garage, garage shelves, under couch, under coffee table, kitchen cabinets, everywhere?

Holy crap. you would have thought I asked him if the sky was blue.

He goes out to check his car again. Pissing and moaning. and muttering "you don't believe me when I say I checked. I did. See?"

As he walks in, he starts walking a litle funny.

me: What the HELL is wrong with you?

him: Ummmm....

And he reaches into his back pocket where he finds...

HIS KEYS.

Apparantly, he NEVER puts his keys there and he is an absolute dumbass for putting them there (his words, not mine) and he is sorry that he yelled at me and said I didn't believe him.

I had to agree. Because at least when I lost the bottle of conditioner, it was GONE and not in my BACK ASS POCKET.

11 comments:

TxGambit said...

heee, heee.... Karma is a funny girl.

(Okay I have no idea if its a girl, I'm just sayin')

Karmyn R said...

Tee Hee!

That's almost as bad as looking for your glasses when they are on your nose!

Heather said...

HOW FREAKIN' FUNNY!! Gotta love it!

Thanks for the laugh. I needed that! Glad you're back.

~JJ! said...

That's how I get through my marriage...Karma.

For the Love... said...

In our house it is: "Did you look-look or did you "man-look"?"

If the ketchup is behind the milk no male in this house would ever use it again...they couldn't find it because it would mean moving something.

Tami W. said...

I am so glad that you got to witness him finding the keys in his pocket. If you were not there to see this happen would he have admitted that he had them on his person the entire time????

Gina said...

Don't you love it when they do something you can rub in their faces?

min said...

I wanted to laugh at Mark so bad...unfortunately that's the kind of thing I do all too often.
I like Mark. He's cool.

Phoenix said...

Karma isn't just a bitch, she's a funny bitch. :)

I once lost mine...they were in the ignition from the night before.

Anonymous said...

Your hubby sounds MUCH like mine. Unfortunately our kids have his ability to constantly misplace things.

Shuttle Mom

Karen said...

SO funny!! I'm not sure how I got to this blog, but you're cracking me up! I guarantee I'll be back!!