24 May 2007

Can't Win

Originally Mark and I had THOUGHT (thought being the operative word - meaning we looked at the location on the website) about having our wedding at a place in Conroe. While perfectly nice, we decided it just wasn't for us.

Conroe is where all my family lives.

So we thought more and more about it and picked 2 places in the Hill Country for our ceremony.

Now my brother, his wife and their kids aren't sure they can come. My parents are not happy about having to take time off.

Truly, I cannot win in this situation.

It is my wedding to the man I love. No one is paying for this but us. Shouldn't we be able to have it in the place we want? Shouldn't that be okay?

Is it wrong that I am incredibly upset that my brother, sister in law, niece and nephew may not be there? That my parents are upset?

I can't win. I really, truly can't win.

Mark's opinion - Screw them. They have 4 months - can plan now for a day off.

My opinion? I just want everyone to be happy - including me and Mark.

Shit.

9 comments:

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I have to say, I agree with Mark...But this is coming from a chick who dragged 50 of her closest friends and relatives to California to get married...They all live in NYC with me.

reevesfarm said...

Oof, you find yourself in a major quag. It stinks when people forget that this is all about you two, not them.

Good luck, and I hope you find some resolution that will make you happy and peacefull.

Heather said...

Get that pleasing everyone idea out of your head right now. This is your wedding and the only ones who should be happy at the end of it are the two of you. Eveyone else should go along with whatever you decide. In turn, you shouldn't get mad if they can't make it. I have the same problem currently (in smaller scale) with my son's birthday party. I'm having it on a night when my niece has a dance recital (which I didn't know about when I chose the date) and several people can't come or will have to leave early. I'm not worried about it. They can always give Steven his gifts the next weekend (Father's Day)and that will be a bonus for him that he gets some of his gifts later on. My sister is the type that will freak out if someone misses her daughter's dance recital, so I'll let everyone worry about her. Steven is only going to be 5 and he'll never remember who was at his party and who came to see him later on.

Have your wedding when and where you wish. If people can't come, that's okay. You will still have a beautiful wedding and you'll still be married to Mark in the end.

MerrieB said...

Hey, it's your day, do what you want. I dragged everyone to Scotland, and more people came than I thought. My friend from Germany even showed up!

I agree that they have plenty of time to consider getting time off from work. You can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try, and you'll only upset yourself if you try. Make it your dream wedding.

3carnations said...

Yep, your day, your way. We paid for ours completely, too. In part because we were going to do it the way WE wanted to, without feeling a sense of obligation. In part because we don't let others pay our way...We are grown ups, after all.

I think your parents can spare a day off or two for their daughter's wedding. Heck, my dad made the 12 hour trip (the only time in the decade+ that I've lived here). Now if only he'd find the time/will to come meet his only grandson, who is about to turn 3...

Heather said...

I agree with Mark. It's your wedding day and while of course you want your family there, it should just be about you guys, because it's going to be the two of you from now on facing all the wonderful and difficult things life has to offer.

There sounds like there might be some selfishness going on in your family right now. That's not fair to you and Mark, and I hope the situation resolves itself soon. Good luck, sweetie.

ChrisB said...

I can understand you wanting to please your family but it is yours and Mark's wedding and it's not like you didn't give them any notice. So do it your way and enjoy every moment.

Jenny said...

Oh sweetie. That sucks. Truthfully though, it's YOUR day and they need to make it (without any guilt) WHEREVER you have it. I made all of Victor's family travel to West Texas. Some were pissy but in the end I just let it go and focused on the good stuff. No matter what you won't make everyone happy, but not everyone is getting married. Everyone else will forget about the details but it will live in your mind forever. Have your wedding where you want it. If your family can join you, great. If not, your new family (Mark) will be there.

Karmyn R said...

ACK - I hate how weddings turn into reasons for family to be nasty....they forget this is about YOU and Mark - and NOT them. I hope they figure it out quickly.

I wish I had words of advice, but I think Heather said it all best. In the end the ONLY thing that matters is that Mark and you are there and having the wedding you want to have. It is all about you two.