I am tempted not to write about this. Part of me thinks its silly. Part thinks if Mark decides to read my blog he will be pissed off at me for writing about it. But oh well.
When we went to New Braunfels a few weeks ago to check the wedding stuff out, we ended up in Austin visiting his friends. Mark was in a band in his 20's with his buddy "S". S was the singer and has a fabulous voice. S is newly divorced and shares custody of his beautiful adopted daughter with his wench of an ex-wife.
S asked what we were planning on doing for music at the wedding. I told him nothing. No real reception. Just the ceremony and dinner. He said "Do you want me to sing at the wedding"?
Well, yes. He has all the equipment (amp and whatever) and can play the guitar. S is a hard-rocker. I'm not. I said "but you probably won't like what I choose". and he said it won't matter, he'd love to do it for us. So I asked for "God Blessed the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts.
He and the few other guys went with me to his computer room and I pulled up this from Youtube. They made fun of it, but S got his acoustic guitar and played along. Picked it up quickly and sounded great singing along.
I was thrilled. Really. This song means a lot to me for so many reasons. My life before Mark was such a broken road. I was lost. And finding him made everything right.
Today I get an email from Mark. S (and these are direct quotes) isn't sure if he can do it b/c:
1. Fighting constantly with his ex-wife (WTF does that have to do with the price of tea in China?)
2. WOrking hard
3. Just not sure how it will turn out.
I broke into tears at work. This is not a huge deal, but it is. I am not getting the reception I want. I am not having dancing. I am not having the big to-do. I don't want the big-to-do, but who doesn't want dancing?
I think he just doesn't like the song that much. I think he is afraid to say anything to Mark about that.
Mark tried to tell him how much it would mean to me and to us, but who knows.
I know we can just play the CD but still, I wanted something personal. I wanted something different. Mark told me when S made the promise to do it "If S says he'll do it, he will. He has never not done something for me".
Well, he's trying to back out on me. On us. But really, it feels like its on me. I don't know what to say. To Mark. To S (thank god he doesn't live here so I don't have to see him).
This wedding is so not fancy. It's for me and my man. But i had my heart set on one or two things (maybe 5) and one seems like it's way gone.
Crap, I posted this like 15 minutes ago. I just keep listening to the song over and over. Now I am a big crying mess. Dammit I hate it when people let me down.