25 April 2007

So, So Scared.

Didn't sleep well at all last night.

As much as the doctor says "Don't lose sleep over this", I couldn't help it.

After the exam, she said all the right things. "It doesn't appear to be cancer". "Cancer doesn't HURT like what you have". "Cancer doesn't move around like what you have. Cancer stays still, your lump moves around, so I think its a cyst". "I am a cancer survivor - 2 years now - and I know what cancer feels like".

I felt so much better.

Then she said "But I do want to order a mammogram and an breast ultrasound to just make sure".

And then came the tears. Silent tears. Lots of them. She held my hand, told me I am going to be okay. And let me cry.

I believe her. I don't think this is cancer. But I am still scared. I am terrified about being sick. I am terrified about not having a future. About my family. About Mark. About never having children.

I am scared.

4 comments:

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

You'll be okay. You have to stay strong and continue to think positive thoughts...I am already!

swampwitch said...

I only had about 5 minutes to check the comments on my post today, and just had to come visit for a second. I hope you will continue to leave me updates at my place as I will be able to check comments either Friday night or Saturday morning. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
It's ok to be scared.

Heather said...

I don't know what to say that you probably haven't already heard. I am thankful that you have such a wonderful doctor and that you have a wonderful man to see you through this. I know in my heart of hearts that you will be just fine, but I can see how scared you are. I just wish I lived near you so I could bake you a cake, give you a hug and listen to you let it all out.
I have been praying for you all day and I'll continue to do so.
Glad to see you stopped by today. I keep a large recipe card inside that same cabinet door. You can see the top of it in the second picture. I have about 8 recipes written on it (ingredients only) for some of the things I make regularly.

Karmyn R said...

Oh Margaret - I pray that it is just a cyst and that everything will be okay - maybe just some inflammation, huh? I hope so!